Daily Joke

12th July

2006-07-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

Joke

A man piloting a hot-air balloon discovers he has wandered far off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon to within hearing distance and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, about thirty feet above this field." "You must work in information technology," says the balloonist. "Yes, I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?" "Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"

close header -->A man piloting a hot-air balloon discovers he has wandered far off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon to within hearing distance and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, about thirty feet above this field." "You must work in information technology," says the balloonist. "Yes, I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?" "Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?""Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"

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11th July

2006-07-11T22:24:00.000-07:00

10th July

2006-07-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

9th July

2006-07-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

Joke

.... Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer belly and still think they are beautiful

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.... Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer belly and still think they are beautiful

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8th July

2006-07-08T03:52:00.000-07:00

Joke

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What are the similarities between an umpire and a gypsy? One watches the steals and the other steels the watches

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7th July

2006-07-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

6th July

2006-07-06T05:39:00.000-07:00

Joke

A telemaketer calls a home. A little boy answers the phone. She asks to speak to his mom. The boy replies "she is busy right now and can not come to the phone." Then she asks to speak to his dad. The little boy replies "he is busy to." She asks if there is anyone else she can speak to the little boy says well yes there a lot of firefighters here but they are busy too. The little boy says "there are also alot of policemen here to but they are busy also." The telemarketer was getting curious by this time she asked the little boy "well what are they all doing?" The little boy whispers "they are looking for me!!!!"

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A telemaketer calls a home. A little boy answers the phone. She asks to speak to his mom. The boy replies "she is busy right now and can not come to the phone." Then she asks to speak to his dad. The little boy replies "he is busy to." She asks if there is anyone else she can speak to the little boy says well yes there a lot of firefighters here but they are busy too. The little boy says "there are also alot of policemen here to but they are busy also."The telemarketer was getting curious by this time she asked the little boy "well what are they all doing?" The little boy whispers "they are looking for me!!!!"

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5th July

2006-07-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

Joke

The teacher was getting ready to release the class and before they left she reminded them of their assignment. Tomorrow there is a test. NO ONE is excused unless there is a death in the family, a personal disaster, an atomic blast, earth quakes, floods etc. Everyone must be here. When she finished and was ready to release them, some smart mouth in the back said "What happens if you have had an enourmous sexual encounter for hours on this night.?" After the normal snicker and giggles in the class and everything started to settle down, the teacher replied "Then I guess you will have to use the other hand."

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The teacher was getting ready to release the class and before they left she reminded them of their assignment. Tomorrow there is a test. NO ONE is excused unless there is a death in the family, a personal disaster, an atomic blast, earth quakes, floods etc. Everyone must be here. When she finished and was ready to release them, some smart mouth in the back said "What happens if you have had an enourmous sexual encounter for hours on this night.?" After the normal snicker and giggles in the class and everything started to settle down, the teacher replied "Then I guess you will have to use the other hand."

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4th July

2006-07-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

Joke

3 girls rob a bank.One is Brunett,one is Redhead,and the other blonde.They are bout to be exicuted by gunshot for robbing a bank.First up was the brunett.They ask her if she has any last requests. She says "No."Right before they shoot her she yells "Earthquake!"They all turn around and she runs off.Next is the redhead.They ask her if she has any last requests.She said "nope."right before they shoot her she yells "Tornado!"They all turn around,and she runs off.Last is the blonde,she figured out what the other girls have done.When they ask her if she has any last requests she also said"no." Right before they shoot her she yells "Fire!"

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3 girls rob a bank.One is Brunett,one is Redhead,and the other blonde.They are bout to be exicuted by gunshot for robbing a bank.First up was the brunett.They ask her if she has any last requests. She says "No."Right before they shoot her she yells "Earthquake!"They all turn around and she runs off.Next is the redhead.They ask her if she has any last requests.She said "nope."right before they shoot her she yells "Tornado!"They all turn around,and she runs off.Last is the blonde,she figured out what the other girls have done.When they ask her if she has any last requests she also said"no." Right before they shoot her she yells "Fire!"

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3rd July

2006-07-03T05:44:00.000-07:00

Joke

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies: "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says: "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

close header -->An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies: "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."God says: "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

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2nd July

2006-07-02T22:38:00.000-07:00

Quote

"To the world you are just one person, but to one person you may be the world."
Anonymous

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1st July

2006-07-01T05:32:00.000-07:00

Joke

Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were.The first nun says, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and work as a prostitute. Of course, I put all the money I earn into the poor box." The second nun says, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I take the money from the poor box and go out drinking for a solid week." The third just sits there quietly. So the first nun says to her, "Come on, we've told you our worst sins. Now you have to tell us yours." The third nun says, "My greatest sin is that I gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train!"

close header -->Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were.The first nun says, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and work as a prostitute. Of course, I put all the money I earn into the poor box." The second nun says, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I take the money from the poor box and go out drinking for a solid week." The third just sits there quietly. So the first nun says to her, "Come on, we've told you our worst sins. Now you have to tell us yours." The third nun says, "My greatest sin is that I gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train!"

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30th June

2006-06-30T05:07:00.000-07:00

Joke

Q: What’s the difference between psychotics, psychopaths and psychologists?

A: The psychotics build imaginary castles; the psychopaths live in the imaginary castles and psychologists are the estate agents that manage those castles
(and get the commission!).

A: The psychotics build imaginary castles; the psychopaths live in the imaginary castles and psychologists are the estate agents that manage those castles
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29th June

2006-06-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

Joke

A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." "Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! Two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands. Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said, "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and abracadabra! - The husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story… Men may be ungrateful idiots.......But fairies are......female!

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28th June

2006-06-28T05:52:00.000-07:00

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defence." The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?" The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra 2 lakh rupees and I just found out about it!"

27th June

2006-06-27T05:50:00.000-07:00

Joke

A slogan printed on the back of an electrical company truck:
"Let us check your shorts."

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24th June

2006-06-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

Joke

Actual sign posted outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

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23rd June

2006-06-23T05:24:00.001-07:00

Joke

A man rings a doorbell and a little girl answers the door. He asks her, "May I speak to you mother?" The little girl replies, "She ain’t not home yet." "Little girl," he asks her, "Where is your grammar?" "She’s be upstairs takin a bath. But Grandpa’s in the kitchen."

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